The Fat Lady Chronicles

What's a Mama to Do?

Hi Folks!

Mama is currently feeling the effects of businesses in her community "going green".  While Mama contributes her recycling, has always used cold water in the washer, no heat dry in the dishwasher and minimum heating and lighting throughout the house (which frankly discourages the reading of a good book and NO fire in the fireplace for warmth because A. There is a city restriction and B. Mama's allergies won't allow for it), this wave of anti-plastic bags is pissin' Mama off. Mama RECYCLES her plastic bags, dammit!  She puts the grandkids' soiled diapers in them, sends lunches with her hubby and son in them, and frankly, scoops the poop from Bear dog on their twice daily sojourns around the neighborhood.

But, now, the eco-goddesses are telling Mama that plastic bags are no longer trendy.  In fact, in some communities like San Francisco and Seattle, plastic bags ARE AGAINST THE LAW!  Yeah, you heard Mama straight...against the law.  Mama's awaiting the day when local newspapers will print photos of the guilty (notice she didn't say, "accused") with their names and addresses so that people can snub them publically and tell their children to stay away from the "earth-robber", "destroyer of all that is good", and "lover of all things evil and plastic"...

So, Mama decided to buy the lemon-scented plastic dog poopie bags.  Yeah, lemon-scented.  You wouldn't want them to smell like dog s - - -, would ya?  Mama proudly brought her box of 80 lemon-scented black disposable plastic bags home for her daily "walkies" with Bear.

Of course, Bear can never go on a walk without taking time to "smell the roses" as well as defacate on them, or at least on the ground nearby.  In the past, Mama would simply leave nature's little pile as the roses seemed to flourish, and isn't that what all home gardeners want?

Mama's neighbor spoiled it all, however, when she told Mama that it isn't good karma.  Good karma?  What, like Mama will have to worry that the dogs and cats of the world will forever poop on her burial plot?  Who cares?  Mama'll be "history" plus she will take her rightful place up in Heaven with the Big Guy.  Even God needs a break once in awhile.  Mama figures she can run things for a few eons if He wants to travel HIS universe.

But Mama, feeling guilty, took those lemon-scented black disposable plastic bags on the walk and what do you think happened?  Yep, Bear took a mighty dump.  Well, it took Mama 5 minutes to open the damn bag because they must seal those suckers with titanium.  OK, so she finally got the thing to open...it was no bigger than a 5"X5" bag.  Heck, we're talkin' a 105 pound flat-coat retriever, not a chihuahua.

So, Mama ending up using two bags, people.  Two freakin' bags. She couldn't even hold the tied handles there was so much volume, if you get my drift.  Mama dutifully walked Bear the rest of the way balancing the bag in the palm of her right hand as it molded to the shape of her fingers.

Yeah, Mama doesn't want to hear how grossed out her readers, are.  Suck it up, princess!  Try being Mama!  Yeah, all that stinky grossness because the frickin' tree-huggers are condemning Mama's precious plastic bags that she so gratefully accepted and used. 

But, Mama has the last laugh, because in the medical and funeral industries, the use of plastic bags is common, and, whether our eco-friends like it or not, we all end up in those bags; one way or another, whole, or in parts.  How's that for karma?

Mama

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Yesterday, I called VW to complain about the weather.  It was windy, rainy, and just generally miserable here where I live.  He commented to me that many people have dubbed this month "June-uary" because this has been the coldest June on record.  It's not that we haven't hit spring yet.  We did, but I think we all just didn't see it for what it was.  If you remember a few weeks back, we had 3 days of sunshine...the first day was in the upper 60's (spring), the next day it was in the 90's (summer), the following day was in the lower 70's (autumn)...aaaaaaaaand we're back to winter.  So we really have had all four seasons.

So when my slightly damp husband blew in from work yesterday, I asked him if he had any requests for dinner.  He said, "Something warm and saucy sounds good today."  Perfect, because I was planning to make soup anyway.  I don't know if I've shared this recipe here before, but if I have, too bad.  I'm posting it again, because I think it is one of the most divine soup recipes in existence.  It's not your average can of Campbell's soup, mind you, but it's just about as easy.  (Erik, if you're reading this, you know how much we both love Campbell's Tomato Garden soup.  It's like a religious experience, and you know I'm right.  This soup, to me, is a very good substitute.)

So here it is, Giada DeLaurentiis' "Quick and Spicy Tomato Soup"

3 tablespoons olive oil
2 carrots, peeled and chopped
1 small onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
1 (26-ounce) jar marinara sauce (recommended: San Marzano brand)
2 (14-ounce) cans chicken broth
1 (15-ounce) can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed
1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1/2 cup pastina pasta (or any small pasta)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Warm the olive oil in a large soup pot over medium-high heat. Add the carrots, onion, and garlic and saute until soft, about 2 minutes. Add the jar of marinara sauce, chicken broth, cannellini beans, red pepper flakes, pasta, salt and pepper. Simmer for 10 minutes. Ladle into bowls and serve.

Now, if you're like me, you just can't leave a good recipe alone.  I've got to tweak it.  This soup is FABULOUS just the way Giada does it, but here's what I did with it.  (And you can trust this, because I'm an Italian girl too.)

To the carrot/onion/garlic combination, I also add two stalks of celery, one potato peeled and diced, and a small zucchini diced.  As far as the marinara sauce, I just use a can of Hunt's spaghetti sauce ($1.08 at Wal-Mart), but please DON'T compromise on the cannelini beans.  There really is no substitute.  You may or may not find a store brand, but Progresso makes cannelini beans and that's what I buy.  Now, if you have small children or an ulcer, you'll want to reduce the red pepper flakes by half, or even three-quarters.  Using 1/2 teaspoon in this soup makes it quite spicy.  When I made this last night, I used about 1/8 teaspoon, and it was the perfect amount of spiciness for my kids.

We just had this with a basic bread and some canteloupe, but it would be excellent with a rustic loaf and some fresh mozzarella, or if you're really adventurous, a nice polenta, and a fresh caprese salad.

Buon Appetito!

Gina   

Mama Shore Is a Good Hunter!!

Hey Folks!

Mama decided to let her beloved Flat Coat Retriever, Bear, paw today's blog post; hence the use of "hunter" and not "huntress".  Of course, Mama does not expect Bear to use antiquated words like, "huntress", "actress", "stewardess", etc. because the ACLU, Gloria Steinem, and Webster's Online Dictionary would be on his butt in a New York minute.

Anyway, the following story is in Beardog-speak typed by Bear himself with a few dog treats to get him the hell out of Mama's way so she can type it in properly.  For those of you who are uninformed:  Mama received her Master's degree in "Barkologie" and is currently in the field working on her "Siamese" skills.

                                        

BARK, BARK BARK BARK, BARK, BARK

Bark bark woof woof woof arf arf bark bark bark.  Woof woof woof woof arf, bark bark bark bark arf woof.
Ruff ruff woof woof arf bark.  Bark woof ruff ruff arf woof.  Bark woof ruff ruff ruff arf bark arf.  Ah-oooo-oooo-oooo! <sniff sniff sniff, snuffle>.  Bark bark bark woof. <sitting and whining>. Arf arf arf, ruff, ruff, <wags tail and scratches front door to go outside and claims bragging rights>

Mama's translation:  "Mama musta gone huntin' today cuz when she got back she took out a big 'ole beef flavored rawhide bone.  I'm lickin' my chops cuz it shore smells good and I know it's fer me cuz no one else will eat it, 'specially after I slobber on it.  Mama tells me to sit and I do to get the 'ole bag off my case; plus, the quicker I do what she says the quicker I get that damn bone.  Oh, man, she's handin' it over to me.  I do owe her some credit for trackin' this big guy down and bringing his leg bone to me.  I'm runnin' towards the front door where I've put my big dog nails grooves in it cuz I'm so excited I can't wait to show the neighborhood what my Mama gave me.  Watch out, bitches, I've got a bone to gnaw on.  Life shore is good!"

Mama's Internet Cred Challenged!!

Hot off the presses at Mama's place:

Mama's cred has been challenged by none other than daughter Gina!  What's a mother to do?
Mama tried so hard to raise her right!  She didn't force daily sandwich variety on Gina at school.  Mama didn't make Gina wear knee socks and saddle shoes through high school.  Mama didn't even wear a clown costume and slip whoopie cushions under the chair pads upon meeting Gina's boyfriend, who later became Gina's husband.

So, why does Mama feel her cred has been placed in jeopardy?  Mama sent an email to the 10 people Mama has on her email list about Venezuela's Hugo Chavez' name change of CITGO to Petrol Express.  Mama is pro-USA obviously and while she believes in capitalism, Mama will NOT buy gas that Chavez' has produced; even if it's from too many frijoles.

Mama sent the email to NOT BUY PETROL EXPRESS GAS because this would put $$$$$$ in Chavez' pantalones.  The email even had a snopes.com reference, so Mama, trusting in snopes.com like she trusts in G-d the Almighty Himself, patriotically passed the word along.

Mission accomplished until daughter Gina decided to check out the story.  (Way to go, nosey!)  Gina took it upon herself not only to inform Mama of her ill-advised email, but SENT THE EMAIL TO ALL OF MAMA'S FRIENDS!!  Mama may not be able to live this down!

Now, dear readers, please do not get too upset with daughter Gina.  She was doing her patriotic duty and was taught to be honest in all things, even if it means showing up Mama.  Frankly, after Mama thought about it she was grateful that Gina took the time not only to inform her but to email all of Mama's friends.  Can you imagine what would have happened at the power of Mama's pudgy and dishonest fingertips?

There are approximately 14,000 CITGO employees in the United States.  Mama figures the majority of them probably speak Hindi or Punjabi so this will keep her "in the clear" with her Spanish-speaking amigos.  Anyway, Mama could have forced a company to shut-down and lay-off 14,000 people because of her unverified missive.

Daughter Gina is actually an American s-hero and Mama sends a salute in her direction; NO, not a one-finger salute, but a wave of respect and genial admiration for catching Mama's goof and saving the country from harm.

Mama

Kitchen Epiphany

Hey Lardoons!

First of all, a "lardoon" is actually a cooking term.  Anyone know what it means amongst Mama's VAST readership?  Well, to "lardoon" something is to make cuts a little ways into lean meats, roasts, etc. and push pieces of cut-up lard into the meat to give it enough fat to make it tender. Get it? LARD-oon?

Mama's corollary: Therefore a person, who is a "lardoon",  is one who eats his/her share of fat-laden products, and gets a "LARD-on" for effect!

Well, Lardies, Mama has had a couple of kitchen epiphanies she'd like to share with you today.  Last week, Mama stumbled across, which actually is hard to "stumble across" anything when you're sitting at the computer.  Bruised herself pretty damn hard climbing on that chair and tripping over the DELL E 521, but managed to save the computer from complete ruin when she noticed the following on her screen:

IT'S FREE...JOIN THE WASHINGTONPOST.COM LEAN PLATE CLUB

What a cool thing to blog about.  OK, it's not like other folks haven't "blogged about blubber", "commiserated about calories", or "given the poop on portliness"...it's just that this little gem comes from the Washington Post, people!  So, of course it's true!  :)

So Mama signed up.  Frankly, it really is interesting to read about the weight loss and keeping it off success stories of people all over the world. AND they have cool before and after AND during pics AND some of them even did voice overs telling of their success.  Mama is really proud of them.  She is happy for them for not having to take drastic surgical methods, dangerous laxatives, drugs, etc.

And your very own Mama doesn't even eat her breakfast or a small snack or ANYTHING when she is reading that particular site. That's holiness, isn't it?  Check it out for yourselves.  Mama may even allow the site to influence her for the better, who knows?

For Better or For Worse...In Sickness and In Health...

Hey Guys!

Mama slowly comin' back from the absolute worst Spring allergies of the century, at least for her personally. But who gives a flyin' flip, right?  Mama's got some "juicy bits" up  her sleeve.....

Mama is a musician and she has several steady gigs.  Mama plays for "Happy Hour" at an upscale senior residence "facility".  This place looks like it was decorated by Martha Stewart herself.  Mama plays a grand piano and entertains the residents every Friday.  About a year ago, Mama met a new couple, Will and Joy.  They would always hold hands and sit with their heads close together.  It was really endearing, actually.  Mama thought that it was really sweet to see that after all their years together, they were still romantic with each other.

When Mama mentioned this to the activities director, she grimaced slightly and informed me that, while Will was a widower, Joy was married to a man that was living across the patio in the Alzheimer's wing!  Well, this absolutely threw Mama a curve ball.  Really.  WHO does that?  OK, lots of people "cheat" and that is NOT OK in Mama's book.  But, to have her husband a professionally landscaped garden path away from her and her paramour seems a little much.

Yesterday, Mama played again for her "elderly fans".  Mama hadn't seen Joy for a couple of weeks and wondered what was up...Joy came by and Mama asked her where she had been to which Joy replied, "Oh, didn't you know my husband died on April 19th?"  Mama, of course, didn't know. When you work in a place where the Grim Reaper has "residency status", death doesn't come as a big surprise.  Anyway, Mama asked Joy if her husband knew who she was.  Joy explained that it had been about a year ago (when she started showing up to Happy Hour hand in hand with Will) when her husband lost the ability to recognize her.  Mama expressed her condolences and said that it must have been hard for Joy.  Joy gaily replied,  "Oh, actually it's fine because of Will."  Mama thought to herself, "yeah, I bet, you 82 year old 'ho'".

So, don't think it's just the young folk who have no "morals".  Mama also knew a guy that used to go on double dates with his wife.  Now, while that sounds "OK", what ISN'T OK is that his wife had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend.  The dude was born BEFORE WWI!

Mama

PS  Mama heard they make a "viagra" run every Thursday afternoon between arts n' crafts and croquet.

Yea, Though I Walk Through The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death...

It's been so long since I posted here, I'm sure that the three people who check in every now and then have wondered if I fell off the face of the Earth.  And the truth is, I almost did.  I've been working on unpacking from our vacation, along with trying (unsuccessfully, I might add) to keep up with my regular chores.  It all finally came to head last Wednesday when I said to my husband, "Let's go out.  We haven't been to Los Arcos in awhile."  So we headed over to our favorite Mexican place, where I ordered the one thing I always order whenever I eat at a Mexican restaurant.  Not because I'm picky.  I order this Food Of The Gods because I don't make it at home--too much work, not enough time--and no one else likes it, which means, for once, I don't have to share.  There is nothing more sacred to me in the world of Mexican food than the TAMALE.  Ladies and gentlemen, I would do almost anything for a tamale.  What my husband calls "meat surrounded by mushy goo" I call Manna From Heaven.  Mama will attest to this.  She and I are Tamale Queens.

Back to the story.

So I order my heavenly tamale, and I split a plate of beans and rice with the kids.  Every bite was a pleasure.  I'm not sure they would even need to wash the plate I ate from, since I left it so clean.  We paid the bill, and headed for home, where I immediately began to feel sick.  And it only got worse.  No more detail than that, my friends.  Let's just say that anyone who knows me knows I can work through an illness like a Clydesdale.  But this completely knocked me flat--literally--so flat that my husband (who NEVER misses a day of work) actually called in sick-by-proxy so that I could lay in bed and welcome death.  (Who never showed up, by the way.)  He graciously fed the children dry Cheerios and slices of cheddar cheese several times that day, and even managed to heat up a few chicken nuggets in the microwave.

My youngest daughter was so upset at her inability to turn the required doorknobs that would lead her straight to my side and onto the bed for a hearty jumping session.  She cried a little that day.  My oldest daughter kept me fully reminded that should I need anything--and I'm sure she meant anything--that I could just call, and she would dutifully run to my aid.  She also drew several pictures for me.  One wished me "a good night's rest and to feel better in the morning" and another was a colorful reminder to "always eat healthy food".  Let's just say I was well taken care of.

It's taken me a few days to get back on track, but now that things are mostly back to normal, I'll be posting again on a more regular basis.  I think it'll be awhile before I have my next tamale, however. 

Keep on reading!  (And I really mean EATING.)

Gina

Ingredients: Reading Between Mouthfuls...

Hey Microwave Entree Lazy Butts...

Mama's been busy, so get off her case.  Anyway, I brought ya this bit of information that Mama suggests you copy, print, and file somewhere important, like your insurance or your house papers.  Mama got bifocals--translation: Can see far distances but still takes her glasses off to read anything...But she's got some scary news for her myriad fans...

FOODIES BEWARE!  No, this isn't a link, folks, but a dire warning.  Mama shops wherever she's at in her day and in her location.  She prefers the Commissary but sometimes up the road and down the street is a little closer.  Anyway, Mama's nearest grocery store is also in the same shopping center as Target, Hollywood Video, a great little diner, and a Teriyaki place; so Mama frequents this supermarket, well, frequently.  OK folks...Mama was at the store last night picking up a few groceries after rehearsal.  The next time you people look at the store brand of anything make sure you know where it comes from! 

Mama buys the store brand apple juice usually, because, really, what could they possibly do to apple juice?
Well, Mama's store brand's apple juice had a brand new little statement on the front of the plastic bottle.
It reads: Apple juice produced in CHINA!  Yeah, group jaw dropping!  After losing dogs and cats to tainted pet food across our precious land, after recent examples of tainted Heparin, which Mama believes is used as a blood thinner, and numerous news stories of products from China being below standard for USDA and FDA guidelines, and in some cases harmful or toxic to animals or humans...Don't be a dumb-ass and buy anything from them!  Mama is also going to ask her pharmacist where her drugs are coming from.

With all the pharmaceutical companies in the United States why are these companies AND our health insurances allowing drugs to come from a country who is only recently pulling itself up out of a political and social quagmire and has few if any regulatory mandates in place for the health and safety of AMERICANS?

Answer:  Freakin' PROFITS.  Mama is going to do a little investigation of her own.  She can't depend upon journalists in the USA, they're too buy trying to get Obama elected.  Mama suggests you people do the same.  Mama is NOT anti-Chinese people.  Mama IS against buying cheaper medical and food sources for Americans all in the name of the almighty PROFIT. 

Here's another little "tidbit":  Mama doesn't like to cook for herself.  When her sweetheart is around; fine.  If all the family is in town; great.  Well, Mama put a delicious frozen entree of Meat Loaf and Gravy with Creamy Mashed Potatoes & Vegetables.  It cooks up in 7 minutes...now that's what Mama calls "lovingly prepared".  The Con-Agra folks must think so too:  Their slogan:  "food from the heart...prepared with love and care.  Love, Marie".  Well, Mama didn't read the nutrition facts until she opened the box to put the frozen goodness into the microwave.  Serving Size:  1 Meal.  Calories:  460--not bad, really.  Total Fat:  19 grams.  Sodium:  a whopping 1120mg and Total Carbs:  40 grams which 45-60 carbohydrate grams is allowable even under the American Diabetes Association food guide.  But dig the fat and the sodium: 

So Mama turned the package over to read the ingredients, which she should have before she put the box in the shopping cart...Typical stuff and in bold print at the bottom...CONTAINS WHEAT, SOY, MILK AND ANCHOVIES...anchovies?  ANCHOVIES???  If I'd wanted anchovies I would've purchased a pizza!
Apparently, the anchovies must've provided some of the flavoring for the gravy of the meatloaf, which was very tasty, Mama admits, AND also added a whole lot of unneeded sodium.

Next time, Mama will come home a throw a PB & J on a plate  and add a glass of milk...well, and maybe a couple of slices of cheese, um, definitely a piece of fruit and maybe a brownie or two...It may be nutritiously "carb-a-licious", but at least Mama knows it won't be made in China with anchovies...

Mama

Vegas Vacation

Greetings!

I'm home.  Actually, the girls and I got home Wednesday night just before bedtime.  (Theirs, not mine.)  We had a great trip.  I'm sure you're wanting me to say that we're tanned and gleaming from a week in the sun, but as a paranoid parent for whom sun exposure is a bad thing, we enjoyed our limited time in the sun slathered up with sunscreen.  We got back to cloudy Washington looking like we had never left.  Awesome.

We did have some great food.  I got my lentils and pasta (thanks SO much!), and I have to express my deep and abiding love for Carmine's.  Whoever Carmine is, he makes THE BEST stromboli on the planet.  For those of you who are wondering just what in the heck a "stromboli" is and how it is different from a "calzone", here's your culinary lesson of the day:

CALZONE: sometimes referred to as a stuffed or folded pizza.  It is half-circle in shape, and contains all the ingredients of a great pizza--including the sauce.

STROMBOLI: dough is rolled to resemble a loaf.  Contains all the ingredients of a great pizza--except the marinara, which is served on the side for dipping.

No matter which one you prefer, it adds up to the same thing: one great meal.

The rest of the trip was filled with fun and excitement, but I'm still thinking about stromboli, so I'll have to get back to the other some time later.  I do want to share a funny story from the plane trip home.

As we were taking off to come home, and began our ascent into the wild blue yonder, the plane was caught in some rather disturbing turbulence.  The kids on the flight thought this was better than Disneyland, and while the rest of us were serenaded with plenty of "Whee!"s and some applause, all I could think was that I had wolfed down a quick lunch and I wanted it to be over soon.  In my mind's eye, I could see our plane falling out of the sky and hitting the ground, hard.  There were flames, debris, and screaming.  In the middle of my day-terror, my 4-year old turns to me and cheerfully announces, "I see Jesus outside the plane and He's waving to me!"  Oh, crap.

We did get back down safely, but I think it'll be awhile before I fly again.  Changing gears again...

Because it's about 90 minutes (nonstop) between Mama's house and mine, my dear husband had an hour and a half to clean up the joint before we arrived.  It looked great.  In fact, I hardly recognized the place because it was cleaner than I left it.  Kudos to the hubby.  He even had the dishwasher running.  Wow.

So the next day, I opened said dishwasher to get things put away and I noticed that my three serving platters were in there.  I asked hubby, "Did you do some entertaining while I was away?"  No.  He ate off the platters because--and this is an actual quote--"they hold more food than a regular plate, and that way I wouldn't have to get up as often to refill."  That's my guy.  I suppose I should probably not divulge that his entire diet for a week consisted of eggs, potatoes, Spam, and the occasional floret of broccoli.  I think he also consumed an insane amount of cheese...it's a good thing I came back when I did.

We're all eating better, sleeping better, and acting better, and better is always good.  This reminds me of a few words of wisdom from Dorothy in her red shoes: "There's no place like home."

Gina

It's So Tasty, too...It tastes Just Like...

Hey Calorically Vast Ones!

It's Mama again.  Tonight Mama is introducing a subject near and dear to her abnormally large heart:

Organic Kitty Litter.  Yes, Mama 'fesses up...she DOES love her environmentally safe products.  Mama has been a recycler for years.  Actually, she first started around the age of 5 when her dear mother would give her an after school snack of graham crackers (on a paper plate) and an 8 ounce dixie cup of milk.  Mama would consume the couple of crackers and cup of milk during the first 5 minutes of  "Romper Room".  During the station break, little M, as they used to call her, would NOT throw her paper plate and cup away.  Oh no, even then she knew to "waste not want not".  Mama had her own recycling method...She'd just go back to the cupboard, drag a kitchen chair in front of it, reach up and get a few more graham crackers and then quickly drag the chair back to the table, pour another cold, white, frosty glass of whole milk and be able to perch her little rear-end on the sofa just in time to see "Miss Nancy" teach her on TV preschool class.  Do you see how Mama was able to recycle that paper plate and cup TWICE?  She ate and drank TWO snack portions on those dear paper products, her Mother was none the wiser, and Mama was a good girl because she did not immediately toss them out.

Now, many of you may be asking, "what does this have to do with organic kitty litter?"  Well, if you folks will shut the hell up long enough I will explain.  Yes, Mama can hear you people as you read her blog page.  She can see you at your computer screen and knows if you are eating and dropping crumbs on your keyboard.
So, anyway, as I was saying, Mama went to PetsMart a few days ago to pick up some good eats for Bear, Milo, and Princess.  While she was there she began perusing the side aisle looking for cat litter when her eye caught the pretty light yellow bag with the green plant stalks on its front.  The lettering was clean and simple:

World's Best Cat Litter --made from whole kernel corn!  Did you hear that?  Whole kernel corn!  Mama hugged the bag and quickly went to the check-out with her new earth-friendly purchase.  She brought it home, lovingly placed it next to the cat litter box, knelt, genuflected, and then promptly left it in the bag for 10 days while she waited for Milo and Princess to use up the last of the clay/concrete clumping mix.

Today, sainted friends, TODAY Mama gently picked up that beautiful organic bag, carefully opened it up and proceeded to pour that environmentally friendly corn mixture into the litter box.  Lord, but that litter is beautiful.  The prettiest shades of cornsilk yellow and maize-brown one could ever see.  And the smell????
How shall Mama describe it?  Like a fresh batch of homebaked corn muffins.  Mama could actually see little melted butter bits right there in that old plastic box on the laundry room floor.  She even got down on her knees to get a closer look AND a closer smell.

Mama called to her children.  "Darlings, come.  Look.  See.  Smell.  Run children run before the cats get in there and frickin' ruin it!"  And they came.  We called our neighbors.  They, too, were awe-struck at the wonder of it all.  Mama's flat coat retriever, Bear, came over and sniffed, not once, not twice, but three times and then quizzically looked at Mama as if to say, "I shore do smell them corn cakes, Mama, but where'd ya hide the ham?"

As tears of laughter and delight sprang from Mama's eyes, Milo and Princess came prancing into the scene, their tails straight up like flag poles with a satisfied gleam in their eyes.  They looked at that litter box of sweet organic goodness, they looked at Mama, they looked again at the box, sniffed twice, and promptly walked out the back door where they probably dropped a load in Mama's prize petunias.

Damn cats.

Mama