The Fat Lady Chronicles

Every village needs an idiot, where do I sign up?

Don't you hate it when your own idiocy is thrown in your face like a glass of ice water?  I know I do.  I had one such "moronic moment" yesterday evening when my sister, who just started college to become a nurse, phoned me and asked, "Can you help me with this math problem?"

Now, I consider myself to be reasonably intelligent.  I did well in school--a little better in English than in Math, but I still managed to pull A's and B's in the math classes I took in high school.  (Nevermind the fact that it's been almost 11 years since I graduated--am I really THAT old?)  So imagine my disappointment when I had to consult Math.com to remember what I learned about "combining like terms".

Here's the sad part: I looked it up, and I STILL couldn't come up with the right answer.  Thank goodness my husband who majored in English and History was here.  It is also fortunate that our father is an engineer (she also placed a call to him about the same problem), and I think from now on he should be the first person on her "Who To Call With A Math Emergency" phone list.

While she was checking her answer with "Dad the Engineer", I began to list all of the things I CAN do with math in my capacity of "domestic engineer". 

• I am able to keep a running total in my head of the approximate price of groceries in the cart.  (Addition and Rounding.)

• I can figure the approximate cost of any particular dish based on the the amounts of ingredients it contains. (Estimation.) 

• I can figure out how long to roast meat based on the weight of the cut.  (Multiplication.)

• I know that it takes 2 cups of water to 1 cup of rice.  (Ratios.) 

• I can triple a recipe in my head.  (Proportions.)

• I am able to measure a room and come up with the square footage of that room. (Area.)

• I do the "banking" at our house, and we are NEVER late on any bills, and have not overdrawn on our account since we've been married.  (Subtraction.)

I was still feeling sorry for myself, even though I DO use math (albeit basic math) on a daily basis.  I talked to Mama about this, and after awhile, I began to realize that I was feeling sorry for the wrong person.  I shouldn't feel bad that I can't remember how to combine like terms...the person who is really unfortunate is my sister, who has to make room in her brain for information that I have officially deemed...

USELESS.

I invite any engineers, nurses, and those of you in any other professions who know how to combine like terms to leave a comment on how you, personally, use this in your professional or personal life.  (I'm guessing that 90% of what you learned in math is less than relevant, and that's putting it nicely.)  Prove me wrong.

Heading off to make a pot of minestrone (my version of combining like terms--and it tastes better than paper and ink),
Gina

 

Someone Told Me It's All Happening at the Zoo...NOT!!

Hey! Mama's back.  I know.  Big deal.  If it helps any, we have a new keyboard for this computer and it's like typing on a manual typewriter.  I wonder if this is the keyboard that came with VW's new computer.  If it is, he STOLE mine. Just letting my readership know...This keyboard bites. I just had LH carpal tunnel surgery.  At this rate, I'm going to need the procedure again on BOTH wrists.

OK, enough complaining already...Lexie,YaYa, young son Ben, and I went to the Zoo last Saturday.  I paid $30...$10 bucks apiece as adult tickets are from 12 years and up.  Here's the point:  Every time there has been a "bond" issue on the ballot, yours truly has faithfully voted YES to the Point Defiance Zoo.  No more.  I paid $30 for us to walk an exhausting and BORING path.  For you non-zoo types out there, animals are no longer in cages; they are in HABITATS.  Yeah, you heard me: Habitats.  I'm all for creating a landscape with trees, flora, fauna, et al. for the particular animal.  However, the viewing distance is so damn far away you can't see the animal with the naked eye.  What the hell is the point of taking young children, seniors, anyone who doesn't have telescopic vision to the Zoo?  I have been to  Point Defiance Zoo at least two to three times a year for the last 8 years. With each subsequent visit and bond passage I am seeing less animals and more "habitat".  Why don't they just send the animals to the San Diego Zoo and turn this one into a garden park?  They have a nice start and with all the guano lying around, the foliage would be incredible.

Oh, yeah, and here's another thing: PD Zoo has a handout on how much it costs to feed each species of animal.  I don't know where they shop for this stuff, but somebody ain't watchin' the grocery stores for sales.  I think the same folks that sell contracted stuff to the US military also sell the food to the PD Zoo!  These animals eat better than my kids!   Free lodging, free food, free medical, no work.  These guys have really "tapped" the system...and science says WE'RE the smart ones!

Do you people realize what this really is?  SOCIALISM AT ITS FINEST!  Think about it.  The US Zoos have perfected socialism.  Mama says these animals better get out there and show a little "hustle"...and some of them do.  The more intelligent animals are "forced" to entertain us at the 7 figure$ amphitheater and stage.  While the elephants sit around on their fat asses and the tigers glare from their tree shaded lair, the Red Crested Yellow Breasted Spoon Hornbill flies from platform to platform for a small piece of mouse meat.  The armadillo runs back and forth across the stage for his treat, and the beaver just stares at the crowd of enthusiastic idiots that have paid to see this crap.  Mama wonders how the RCYBS Hornbill, the armadillo, and the beaver feel after several shows while their animal friends in their PC habitats are in "siesta-mode".  Funny thing, the entertainers don't get to kick back between performances with a beer and a smoke.  Nope, they're herded into CAGES while they await the next "show".

Sound familiar?  The smart ones doin' the work while the dumb ones let them...all under the sanction of the PD Zoo Socialists Republic.

Mama

I Got News

Mama is semi-back...I wish I could say I'd been on an extended vacation; but the bottom line is between music gigs and illness and trying to catch-up on the household chore crapola, I haven't contributed squat to this blog.

For the 5 of you who read this blog, I know it ain't that big of a deal, but I do like to comment about stuff once in awhile.  On 2/9 Mama's having LH carpal tunnel surgery, so we'll see if I'll be able to type anything.

Now, for the point of my story: We have six beautiful grand-daughters; actually we have eight; one that sadly, we have not been able to see and another "grand-daughter" who is the daughter of our daughter's boyfriend. (I'll bet the geneaologists out there are furiously notating their pedigree charts as I write).  We love them all.  Each one is an absolute beauty and delight.  Each lovely grand-daughter has her own sweet and sometimes not-so-sweet little quirks and we are very happy and grateful for each little one.

So, what's the point?  I think Grampa (VW) felt we needed a little "addition" to our own house.  No, not a puppy or a kitty.  We have one dog and three cats, 2 still at home children and a darling grandbaby.  But, Grampa was showing signs of not feeling complete without a new bundle of joy.

Therefore, Mama is announcing the intended arrival (due sometime soon in February) of a new member of our household.  I am planning on sending birth announcements and would love to put a banner across the front of our house:

     HE'S FINALLY HERE!  AND WE'VE NAMED HIM "DELL"

Yes, folks, Grampa VW is the proud father of a brand new computer. (Thunderous applause).  I can't tell you what a thrill it's been for Mama listening to VW coo and gurgle and dribble over his online order; tracking little Dell across the country as he safely makes his way into his daddy's arms.

VW is such a "softy" when it comes to his little bundle.  He even called me from work yesterday to let me know that AAFES (base exchange online) processed his request but Dad needed to check with Dell's Maker (no, it ain't God, but it might as well be for all the excitement around here) to make sure his little "star" is on his way.

Mama will let you know when Baby Dell arrives.  When you hear from me via The Fat Lady Chronicles please send your congrats to the new and proud papa at:  www.violenceworker.com

Mama

Groundhog Day 2007

Happy Groundhog Day to all of you!  I case you were wondering if that little rodent saw his shadow, read this:

Greetings From Punxsutawney!

Phil Says Spring is Right Around the Corner!

Phil's official forecast as read 2/2/07 at 7:28 a.m. at Gobbler's Knob:

El Nino has caused high winds, heavy snow, ice and freezing temperatures in the west.
Here in the East with much mild winter weather we have been blessed.

Global warming has caused a great debate.
This mild winter makes it seem just great.

On this Groundhog Day we think of one thing.
Will we have winter or will we have spring?

On Gobbler's Knob I see no shadow today.
I predict that early spring is on the way.

Cute.  But as a resident of the winter storm-battered West, I'll take my forecast from Bill Murray:

"You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life."

Amen, Bill/Phil.  As I type this, it's a whopping 18 F--and feels like 7F.  It's been overcast most days since the first part of December, and I live in the desert of Washington.  I think all of us in the West can accurately say that the words "early" and "spring" refer to a time of day and a matress coil.

And so I say to our friends in the East:  Have your early Spring.  Enjoy it.  Maybe next year you can share it with the rest of us.

I need something deep-fried,
Gina