The Fat Lady Chronicles

Vegas Vacation

Greetings!

I'm home.  Actually, the girls and I got home Wednesday night just before bedtime.  (Theirs, not mine.)  We had a great trip.  I'm sure you're wanting me to say that we're tanned and gleaming from a week in the sun, but as a paranoid parent for whom sun exposure is a bad thing, we enjoyed our limited time in the sun slathered up with sunscreen.  We got back to cloudy Washington looking like we had never left.  Awesome.

We did have some great food.  I got my lentils and pasta (thanks SO much!), and I have to express my deep and abiding love for Carmine's.  Whoever Carmine is, he makes THE BEST stromboli on the planet.  For those of you who are wondering just what in the heck a "stromboli" is and how it is different from a "calzone", here's your culinary lesson of the day:

CALZONE: sometimes referred to as a stuffed or folded pizza.  It is half-circle in shape, and contains all the ingredients of a great pizza--including the sauce.

STROMBOLI: dough is rolled to resemble a loaf.  Contains all the ingredients of a great pizza--except the marinara, which is served on the side for dipping.

No matter which one you prefer, it adds up to the same thing: one great meal.

The rest of the trip was filled with fun and excitement, but I'm still thinking about stromboli, so I'll have to get back to the other some time later.  I do want to share a funny story from the plane trip home.

As we were taking off to come home, and began our ascent into the wild blue yonder, the plane was caught in some rather disturbing turbulence.  The kids on the flight thought this was better than Disneyland, and while the rest of us were serenaded with plenty of "Whee!"s and some applause, all I could think was that I had wolfed down a quick lunch and I wanted it to be over soon.  In my mind's eye, I could see our plane falling out of the sky and hitting the ground, hard.  There were flames, debris, and screaming.  In the middle of my day-terror, my 4-year old turns to me and cheerfully announces, "I see Jesus outside the plane and He's waving to me!"  Oh, crap.

We did get back down safely, but I think it'll be awhile before I fly again.  Changing gears again...

Because it's about 90 minutes (nonstop) between Mama's house and mine, my dear husband had an hour and a half to clean up the joint before we arrived.  It looked great.  In fact, I hardly recognized the place because it was cleaner than I left it.  Kudos to the hubby.  He even had the dishwasher running.  Wow.

So the next day, I opened said dishwasher to get things put away and I noticed that my three serving platters were in there.  I asked hubby, "Did you do some entertaining while I was away?"  No.  He ate off the platters because--and this is an actual quote--"they hold more food than a regular plate, and that way I wouldn't have to get up as often to refill."  That's my guy.  I suppose I should probably not divulge that his entire diet for a week consisted of eggs, potatoes, Spam, and the occasional floret of broccoli.  I think he also consumed an insane amount of cheese...it's a good thing I came back when I did.

We're all eating better, sleeping better, and acting better, and better is always good.  This reminds me of a few words of wisdom from Dorothy in her red shoes: "There's no place like home."

Gina

It's So Tasty, too...It tastes Just Like...

Hey Calorically Vast Ones!

It's Mama again.  Tonight Mama is introducing a subject near and dear to her abnormally large heart:

Organic Kitty Litter.  Yes, Mama 'fesses up...she DOES love her environmentally safe products.  Mama has been a recycler for years.  Actually, she first started around the age of 5 when her dear mother would give her an after school snack of graham crackers (on a paper plate) and an 8 ounce dixie cup of milk.  Mama would consume the couple of crackers and cup of milk during the first 5 minutes of  "Romper Room".  During the station break, little M, as they used to call her, would NOT throw her paper plate and cup away.  Oh no, even then she knew to "waste not want not".  Mama had her own recycling method...She'd just go back to the cupboard, drag a kitchen chair in front of it, reach up and get a few more graham crackers and then quickly drag the chair back to the table, pour another cold, white, frosty glass of whole milk and be able to perch her little rear-end on the sofa just in time to see "Miss Nancy" teach her on TV preschool class.  Do you see how Mama was able to recycle that paper plate and cup TWICE?  She ate and drank TWO snack portions on those dear paper products, her Mother was none the wiser, and Mama was a good girl because she did not immediately toss them out.

Now, many of you may be asking, "what does this have to do with organic kitty litter?"  Well, if you folks will shut the hell up long enough I will explain.  Yes, Mama can hear you people as you read her blog page.  She can see you at your computer screen and knows if you are eating and dropping crumbs on your keyboard.
So, anyway, as I was saying, Mama went to PetsMart a few days ago to pick up some good eats for Bear, Milo, and Princess.  While she was there she began perusing the side aisle looking for cat litter when her eye caught the pretty light yellow bag with the green plant stalks on its front.  The lettering was clean and simple:

World's Best Cat Litter --made from whole kernel corn!  Did you hear that?  Whole kernel corn!  Mama hugged the bag and quickly went to the check-out with her new earth-friendly purchase.  She brought it home, lovingly placed it next to the cat litter box, knelt, genuflected, and then promptly left it in the bag for 10 days while she waited for Milo and Princess to use up the last of the clay/concrete clumping mix.

Today, sainted friends, TODAY Mama gently picked up that beautiful organic bag, carefully opened it up and proceeded to pour that environmentally friendly corn mixture into the litter box.  Lord, but that litter is beautiful.  The prettiest shades of cornsilk yellow and maize-brown one could ever see.  And the smell????
How shall Mama describe it?  Like a fresh batch of homebaked corn muffins.  Mama could actually see little melted butter bits right there in that old plastic box on the laundry room floor.  She even got down on her knees to get a closer look AND a closer smell.

Mama called to her children.  "Darlings, come.  Look.  See.  Smell.  Run children run before the cats get in there and frickin' ruin it!"  And they came.  We called our neighbors.  They, too, were awe-struck at the wonder of it all.  Mama's flat coat retriever, Bear, came over and sniffed, not once, not twice, but three times and then quizzically looked at Mama as if to say, "I shore do smell them corn cakes, Mama, but where'd ya hide the ham?"

As tears of laughter and delight sprang from Mama's eyes, Milo and Princess came prancing into the scene, their tails straight up like flag poles with a satisfied gleam in their eyes.  They looked at that litter box of sweet organic goodness, they looked at Mama, they looked again at the box, sniffed twice, and promptly walked out the back door where they probably dropped a load in Mama's prize petunias.

Damn cats.

Mama

"Bring Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Ex-Felons..."

Hey Widely Distributed Throughout the USA...

Mama here with the latest "poop" from Internet news online.  While you probably figure the title of this entry has to do with a. NBA players b. immigrants, legal or otherwise from developing nations or c. THE UNITED STATES ARMY AND MARINE CORPS?!?  Huh, drop your spoon in that soggy bowl of corn flakes and pay the hell attention!  Yeah, you heard Mama correctly...The United States Army and Marine Corps have INCREASED enlistment of ex-felons!  First off, I'll bet you didn't know they even enlisted ex-felons to begin with, did ya?  Well, did ya?  Mama didn't.  Heck, one of Mama's beloved adopted Black sons had his heart set on joining the USAF.  He scored very high on the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery, or ASVAB and did very well on his physical.  He was all set to sign on the dotted line that day when he walked in with forearms bared.  Unfortunately for the USAF and obviously, for him, he had a tattoo on each inner arm.  Well, there ended his career right there.  They said, "Nope. Try the Army."  He told them he didn't want to join the Army because he was interested in USAF training.  Well, too bad for him.  They weren't even gang tattoos.  While Mama isn't all that fond of tattoos, she is fond of the fact that if she is on the front line in battle, she wouldn't give two Iraqi dinars, let alone two US cents whether the guy next to her has a wig and high heels. Who gives a rat's ass (which apparently may be purchased in downtown Baghdad for about 4 dinars) whether the guy has tattoos or not?  And the military is worried about some old-school tradition?  They enlist freakin' ex-felons but NOT a guy with a couple of poorly placed tattoos?  This is absolutely ridiculous.  Anyone aware of the fact that they already have some fairly significant gang problems in the US Army?  Are you surprised?  I mean, if we are going to enlist ex-felons, why not see if we can't enlist the many gangs in Los Angeles and ship THEM to the war zone?  Seriously, Mama thinks she's on to something here.  Let's actually let the "bad guys KILL the bad guys"!  It works in our inner cities, why not over there?  Think of the possibilities...our bad-ass gangs have access to "territory" (the sand box and 120 degrees F), FREE food and FREE weapons, and permission to "clean-up" the streets of insurgents.  If any of "our" gang members bite the bullet, oh well, sooner here, later in East L.A. 

Mama

KIDS!!

Hey Grotestkies:

Mama's bringing you the not so important Sunday news hot off the Fox News internet site.  I digress, which, as everyone in Mama's family knows is part of me; just like breathing and eating.  But I further digress...anyway,  Mama has three interesting stories about kids to share with you.  They all have that tragic, yet funny quality to them that is so appealing to Mama.

News Story 1--Cookie Boycott--Two Michigan State Girl Scout teens have boycotted the national Girl Scout cookie sale because of the use of palm oil in the preparation of those sinfully rich, horribly expensive GS cookies.  Apparently they were working on some kind of environment merit badge. Mama was a Girl Scout when the books were all about cooking, sewing, fashion, home organization and other useless crapola.  Anyway these girlies were researching rain forests in Indonesia/Malaysia.  They found out that the rain forests were being "mowed down" and replaced with palm trees to harvest and sell the hideously fattening oil that is plentiful and cheap so that's why they do it.  Unfortunately, the orangutans can't survive on palm oil and they are not able to sustain themselves without the rain forest.  So, basically, these GS Cadettes are "takin' down the Establishment, man" and saying "No" to the cookie enterprise.  Mama says, on the one hand, good for them because there are other kinds of oil that are healthier for consumers to, well, consume.  On the other hand, if you think those damn cookies are expensive now, just wait til they alter the recipe.  Mama gives a big, "You Go, Girls!" because while she wants Indonesian and Malaysian farmers to provide income for their families she also feels that they can do so without harming necessary habitat for our primate relatives.  You don't believe in the possibility of evolution?  Come on folks, have you ever seen guys at the beach with hairy backs?

News Story 2--Peanut Boycott--Mama is hoping Daughter Gina will enlighten us further on this.  Apparently a Lexington, KY middle-school teen (a state whose motto, spread all over the state and federal highways, is:  Kentucky...Where Education Pays) has been immediately arrested on a "felony wanton endangerment charge" for placing peanut butter cookie crumbs in the lunch box of a student documented to have peanut allergies.  The victim is fine, folks.  He didn't eat the crumbs.  However, the arrested teen AND the Lexington, KY reporter both prove that education obviously doesn't pay because 1. Instead of participating in sports and maybe asking a girl to a dance, "Dick brain" will be forced to serve time always keeping his back to the wall, if you get my drift.  2.  The reporter obviously doesn't know the difference between "wanton" and "warrant".  Heck, anybody from Kentucky could tell this Dufus that "wanton" is a Chinese fried chip and a "warrant" is one pissed little insect.

News Story 3--Village Idiot Boycott--

Father Kills Son in Hunting Accident After Mistaking Him for aTurkey

Mama figures no additional information is needed.  While tragic, Mama's beloved son, Erik, reminded her of Rodney Dangerfield's experience.  Rodney tells us "when I was a boy my father asked me if I wanted to go hunting with him. I told him, 'sure Dad, I'm game', so he shot me."  I feel a rim shot comin' on...

Mama

If You Mated A Bull Dog With A Shitzu Would It Be Called "Bullshit"?

Hi Orbit-Sized Fans!

Mama here braggin' 'bout her very own "rings of Saturn" or what we earthlings like to call "Love Handles, Pillsbury Dough-Boy Pride, or Dunlop's Tire Syndrome.  Actually, it ain't all that bad, because remember Mama's ARNP (almost a doctor and quite portly herself in the NOT SO GOOD ZONE) told Mama she wasn't FAT, but merely OBESE?!?  Since Mama's feelin' rather "other worldly" she decided to surf the web...

Mama googled <weird crapola> and she selected this quote and thought she'd share it...

"A Scientologist who’s ‘clear’ believes he’s no longer a Homosapien. He’s Homo-novis, a new race. They believe they are the only hope for this section of the galaxy, starting with planet Earth."

 

            Yes, JOHN TRAVOLTA AND TOM CRUISE evidently believe this," 

Hence, today's blog title.  Scientology reminds Mama of a poorly-written sci-fi novel.  Mama thinks Star Wars and Star Trek are a lot more entertaining than Scientology.  And Mama will tell you something else:  anyone who thinks they are a "homo-novis", or superdude with super powers is out of their freakin' gourd.  There are plenty of people in state mental hospitals that suffer from delusional paranoia and other assorted illnesses.  The bull dog and the shitzu from Hollywood would fit in just fine.

And speaking of Hollywood types:  what IS with those celebrities?  John and Tom aren't the only scientology weirdos.  Mama suggests the following google search: scientology famous members.  I was grateful that I didn't see John Wayne or Jimmy Stewart or Mariska Hargitay (from SVU--she's one of my favorites).  There was no mention of Lucille Ball or Johnny Depp or Denzel Washington (another favorite).

It appears to Mama that greed and power are the motivation behind the celeb members.  I wonder what kind of offerings/tithes they pay to be psycho-analyzed and re-programmed to think they can use their power to shape the future, manipulate others and <gasp> CONTROL THE UNIVERSE, EVEN THE GALAXY. 

Mama knows they know how to spend $$$$$$$$$$$$$ on themselves.  Travolta has his own jet so I guess that means he doesn't have to worry about the cost of fuel for either his jet or the expensive cars he drives.  Cruise spent a fortune on his child bride who is looking more and more like Tom himself everyday!  That's just bizarre in Mama's book.  I guess that means he doesn't have a problem looking at himself all the time.  It's easier than carrying a lifesize mirror around...I wonder if he was sent to the earth to seek that particular earthling out...

Has anyone ever read of the bull dog and the shitzu's humanitarian efforts?  I mean, do they contribute to the betterment of people like Bill and Camille Cosby?  (They have put Black colleges "on the map" in the US through scholarships).  How about Danny Thomas--founder of St. Jude's Research Hospital for very sick children?  How about the "Fonz"-Henry Winkler and his wife Stacy who have dedicated their lives to their charity Love Our Children, USA in Southern California.  There's Bono, Angelina Jolie, and the list goes on and on and on.  While Mama isn't star-struck she does recognize that people with money can make a difference for a better world.

Mama's puttin' the bull dog and the shitzu's paws to the fire..."Have you done any good in the world today?  Have you helped anyone in need?  Did you cheer up the sad or make someone feel glad? If not you have failed in deed.  Has anyone's burden been lighter today because you were willing to share?  Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way? When they needed your help were you there?" (Text and music:  Will L. Thompson, 1947-1909, alt.)  (my emphasis original text was "I").

There are a "gazillion" of folks (including Mama) in this old world that try to make a difference in the lives of others.  No, we don't have millions to spread around, but we do our part through churches, volunteer organizations, schools, community and international groups.  Until Scientology publishes a list of how they have made a better world for the rest of us "homo sapiens" Mama will continue to connect their pseudo-religion with their two most famous members:  Bull Shit.

Mama

Jimmy Carter, Will You Shut-up?!

Hi Folks!

Mama here.  I've been on hiatus for awhile.  I'm back though, with the latest spread from Mr. Peanut himself, Jimmy Carter.  Please read the following story.  Thank God and the GOP (which Mama ain't too impressed with, anyhow) and a couple of Democrat renegade Congressmen who have put some cajones into stopping the "loudest mouth in the West".  The United States of America has truly reached a new "low" in its previously elected officials.  Last time Mama checked, they are not enforcers of foreign policy, let alone hospitality and bull-shit presenters.  How dare that addle-brained peanut king set himself up to speak for America.  And to lay a wreath on Yes Sir, I'm a rat's grave is tantamount to a thumbs-up for Adolph Hitler.  For Carter to say that Arafat was a "fighter for just causes" proves he doesn't know diddly about Arafat.  Arafat stole money from his own people.  He and the French "wife" he married for "show" ran through the majority of the Palestinian people's funds.  Arafat was also a key player in the murder of innocent Jews, Muslims, and Americans.

Mama personally thinks Jimmy Carter is committing treason.  OK, the dude isn't passing on state secrets; however, he is certainly carrying tales and false hopes to terrorists.  Even the damn Congress (56 of them, at least) have written him letters urging him to "cease and desist".  Yet, Mama personally knows people in her community that put Jimmy Carter, the Dalai Lama, and Nelson Mandala on the same pedestal as Jesus, Himself.  Carter was a lousy president.  If you think the economy stinks now, go back and see what this micro-manager did during his four year "crap rotation".  Just in case you think Bush 43 sucks in the foreign policy department, go back and view Carter's four year, "Manure Tour".  He had four years to do his job.  It's over, Jimmy.  And if the Senate and the House and the White House had two balls between the three of them, they would send a US military escort, a couple of CIA types, and a baler to haul this sorry-ass excuse of an American and wrap a little twine around him and ship him back to Georgia.

SHAME ON YOU, MR. CARTER!

Mama

HEADLINE: MOTHER HIJACKS DAUGHTER'S POST, CLAIMS NO KNOWLEDGE

For the record, I'm not in hiding.  (Though if I were, behind the couch would be an awesome spot.)  I had actually posted a wonderful Mexican Lasagna recipe that is a much better use of bandwidth than Edamame Dip.  Mama agrees with this, I know.  But before checking the blog, Mama posts her crapola snack recipes right over the top of my delicious, succulent offering.

I consoled myself with a nice big helping of Chex Muddy Buddies.  It's all good.

My girls and I are going to be in Vegas for a week, but I'm not going to tell you what happens while I'm there.  Because as we all know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.  Oh wait.  That's not their slogan anymore.  Nevermind.  Now I have to worry about whether or not my Vegas is showing.

Check out a few slogans that other people came up with to attract people to Las Vegas.  This came from a travel blog called World Hum:

In 2005, the Las Vegas Review-Journal asked its readers for possible successor slogans. Among them:

“Las Vegas. Come with luggage, leave with baggage.”

“Vegas. Taking advantage of human weakness since 1905.”

“Las Vegas. Free liquor, but the water will cost you.”

USA Today has also been asking readers for slogan ideas. Among them:

“What happens in Vegas....can still be cured with penicillin.”

“Las Vegas. Come and enjoy the Hunter S. Thompson weekend package!”

“Las Vegas—Hell’s warm up act.”

I like the tweak on the slogan from Chris Ayres’s takedown of the city last year: “What Happens Here, Ends Up On Your Mastercard Bill.”

While others flock to Las Vegas for the gambling, racy shows, and the thrill of being inappropriate, I visit for a purely honorable reason: the food.  In all seriousness, there's nothing better (in price or quality) than breakfast at the Palace Station.

The girls and I are going to visit Grandma and Grandpa K., where we will be treated to plenty of time in their pool, hopefully a trip to Red Rock to see a desert tortoise or two, and my personal request: lentils over pasta (hint, hint).

I'll try to get a couple of blog posts in before I leave, but in case I don't, just know that we'll have a good time, and I won't feel a bit guilty for not posting.

Many happy returns to the buffet,

Gina

Headlines: Daughter in Hiding...

Hey Folks:

I know all you FLC fans are wondering what happened to daughter Gina.  She's been on "break" with her husband ( teacher) and their two lovely girls.  Of course, that was last week.  Where's she's been lately, Mama has no idea!

In fact, I've been looking everywhere.  Searching for her reminds me of the time I "found" Jesus; He'd been hiding behind my couch the whole time!  When my ex-husband lost 10 pounds I searched all over the house looking for them.  Know where they ended up?  You guessed it...behind the couch.

Mama knows many of you are cheering, "Look behind the couch!  Look behind the couch!"  I did, dearies, I did.  Nothing but a bunch of dust bunnies and baby toys. 

I'm sure she'll turn up sooner or later to post something fun on the blog.  In the meantime, Mama thought you'd all enjoy the following article.  Read on...

Happier, Healthier You

Diet-Friendly TV Snacks Posted Thu, Apr 03, 2008, 10:03 am PDT

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Don’t let the post-strike return of your favorite shows derail your diet. Mindless munching in front of the television can make it easy to inhale a whole bag of chips or tub of Ben & Jerry’s before the second commercial break.

But I’m not trying to convince you to indulge in an episode of "Gossip Girl" without a little edible indulgence, too — just make it a portion-controlled treat. One way to do this is to have a special “OK” shelf in the fridge or cabinet and stay away from the more damaging edibles — like the Wheat Thins and Brie that I keep for special occasions and mindful — not mindless — eating! Fix yourself one of these 150-calorie bites to enjoy your snack without a side of guilt.

Crudités and Yogurt Dip
Prepare or buy at a deli four of each of the following: broccoli florets, carrot sticks, celery sticks and sliced bell pepper strips. To make the dip: Combine 3/4 cup nonfat plain yogurt with 2 teaspoons chopped fresh cilantro and 1/2 teaspoon each chili powder and garlic powder.
Bonus: You’ll get four servings of veggies, plus vitamins A and C, which help your immune system fight against germs.

Spicy Edamame
Boil 3/4 cup preshelled edamame in a small saucepan for 5 minutes. Drain. Sprinkle with 1/2 teaspoon sea salt and 1/4 teaspoon chili powder (or garlic salt); toss to coat. (Lazy me: I order it from the sushi place and pick up on the way home.)
Bonus: Edamame contains iron, a nutrient that’s crucial in promoting healthy blood cells.

Sweet Maple Popcorn
Drizzle 5 teaspoons pure maple syrup over 1 3/4 cups hot air-popped popcorn. Sprinkle with salt, if desired.
Bonus: This sweet snack contains fiber, a waist whittler that’s also good for your ticker.

Chocolate Yogurt Pops
In a blender, puree 1 1/2 cups lowfat vanilla yogurt, 1/3 cup cold water, 2 packets sweetened cocoa powder mix and 2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder. Pour into four 4-ounce ice-pop molds. Freeze overnight.
Bonus: These pops pack protein, key for building muscles, as well as calcium, which helps maintain strong bones.

What are you favorite low-cal TV treats?

Mama's favorite low-cal, high-cal, and anything in between is NOT anything she has to take time to prepare.  So crudites and yogurt dip is out.  No spicy edamame...if you can't pronounce it maybe you shouldn't eat it.  And the desserts?  Wouldn't it be easier to get "half the fat" or "no added sugar" or "fat free, sugar free...taste free"?

Finally, what this article's recipes do NOT include:  NUTRITION TABLES!!  I mean, come on!  At least with commercially prepared foods the FEDS make these companies include everything from vitamin content to number of carbs, proteins, fats, etc.

Plus, who wants something with garlic powder (first two recipes) as a snack?  Sorry, I don't want to wake up at 2AM thinking I wantonly fell asleep next to some Latin lover...Ichhhh!  Mama's Italian, but she does have standards; at least when it comes to stanky breath.

Mama's suggestions for snacks:  A cereal like Cheerios, Corn Chex, 1 1/2 cups plus 1 cup of skim milk...now THAT's ambrosia, people.  Or how about a couple of graham crackers and milk?  Or a cup of decaf chai tea to which a sugar substitute and some non fat milk have been added?

Many of you may wonder with low fat, low sugar snacks like those, how is it that Mama is considered OBESE by her ARNP?

Simple, petites morons:  This article's 'bout SNACKS, not what Mama consumes at breakfast, lunch, or dinner!!

Eat on!

Mama

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Run for the Border

We get a lot of things from Mexico: illegal immigrants, tequila, and Mexican food.  Last night I tried a new recipe from Light & Tasty magazine called "Tex-Mex Lasagna".  It was some good eats.  Thanks to Athena Russell for sending in her recipe and Light & Tasty Magazine for publishing it.

Here it is, just the way Athena makes it:

• 1 pound lean ground beef
• 1 can (16 oz.) refried black beans
• 1 can (15 oz.) black beans, rinsed and drained
• 1/2 cup frozen corn, thawed
• 1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and chopped
• 1 envelope taco seasoning
• 1 can (15 oz.) tomato sauce, divided
• 2 1/2 cups salsa
• 12 no-cook lasagna noodles
• 1 1/2 cups (6 oz.) shredded reduced-fat Monterey Jack cheese or Mexican cheese blend
• 1 1/2 cups (6 oz.) shredded reduced-fat cheddar cheese
• 1 cup (8 oz.) sour cream
• 1 medium ripe avocado, peeled and cubed
• 4 green onions, thinly sliced

In a large nonstick skillet, cook beef over medium heat until no longer pink; drain.  Stir in the beans, corn jalapeno, taco seasoning and 3/4 cup tomato sauce.  Combine salsa and remaining tomato sauce.  Spread 1/4 cup into a 13-in. x 9-in. x 2-in. baking dish coated with nonstick cooking spray.  Layer four noodles (noodles will over lap slightly), half of the meat sauce, 1 cup salsa mixture, 1/2 cup Monterey Jack cheese, and 1/2 cup cheddar cheese.  Repeat layers.  Top with remaining noodles, salsa mixture, and cheeses.  Cover and bake at 350 for 45-50 minutes, or until edges are bubbly and cheese is melted.  Let stand for 10 minutes before cutting.  Serve with sour cream, avocado, and onions.

Now, doesn't that sound good?  But if you aren't too keen on spicy stuff, or you have young children, you can modify this recipe the way I did. 

• I omitted the jalapeno pepper and used mild salsa.  There's still a little bite to it, but it doesn't burn the esophagus.
• I used pinto beans and regular refried beans.  I'm not a big fan of black beans, and my older daughter thinks they look like bugs. 
• I served the corn on the side. 
• I also used regular lasagna noodles (just lay them in the pan uncooked) and just added a bit of extra water to the tomato sauce-salsa mixture.  They came out of the oven perfectly cooked. 
• I used regular cheddar cheese, in all of its full-fat glory.
• I forgot to cover the casserole before baking it, but guess what...it didn't matter.  My family loves the crispy edges. 
• We skipped the sour cream and onion, and just went right for the avocado.

The next time I make this dish, I will cut it in half so it fits in an 8-in. x 8-in. casserole pan.  It was WAY too much for our family of four, since 2 of the 4 of us are under the age of 5.  One of those two is 18 months old, and I've written a little bit about her over at my family blog.  If you have a minute or two, head on over there and read all about it!

Gina

R and R...What's That?

Mama here...Been sick lately, haven't felt like writing much.  But this weekend Mama decided to plant her bodacious butt on the pity potty.  Mind you, I got off the pot rather quickly as I didn't want my derriere to stick to the toilet seat like that moron in Kansas.

Anyway, Mama has a friend, believe that or not, who took his spouse to a secluded cabin on a lonely beach for several days.  He returned calling me and expressing how it had been several years since they had really been able to get away and relax.  Three years ago Mama's son, 5 ***** hotel bellboy with master's degree, was hired by them to take care of their dog and garden and home while they toured France for three weeks.
He made more money than Mama's made in a lifetime feeding animals, taking care of the home, etc. etc.
They manage to get away a few times throughout the year EVERY year.

Now, all that being said, Mama don't begrudge folks a little R and R.  Mama begrudges the fact that she doesn't have any. Mama figures by the time she can actually relax she'll be 6 feet under in a pine box.  Even then, if she's buried in a cemetery there won't be much elbow room with the folks on either side of her.  Sort of like the "cheap" berths on a cruise ship.  Stacked, one on top of another.

Mama's sweetheart travels a lot for his work.  In fact, he's gone out of the contiguous 48 and will have been absent from Mama's life for two months.  That's OK, really.  It is his responsibility.  And he has the opportunity to sightsee and take awesome pictures and try the local food, shop, etc.  Whenever he goes to this particular place his family graciously drive 6 hours or so to spend a long weekend with him.  He was also able to go back "home" for a long weekend and meet with more family!  When he would travel to Okinawa he would be able to spend time with his son who lives there.  Must be nice.

Mama called her sister last weekend.  The phone call went something like this, Mama: "Hey Sis, how are ya?"  Sis:  "I'm fine.  You won't believe where I am."  Mama:  "OK, where are you?"  Sis:  "I'm walking on the beach in Hawaii!"  I told my sister to take lots of pictures so I could see a place that I will probably never go.  I told her I thought she wasn't going to Hawaii until June.  She gaily replied, "No.  That's when I'm going to Arizona."  Around the end of May, I'll remind her to take pictures.  She deserves to travel.  She has worked hard all her life and in retirement she is taking time to do so.

I can hear all of you (what are we up to now, 5 readers of this blog?) say, "Come on, Mama, if you REALLY wanted to go you could. Not really, dear readers.  Mama would have to make too many arrangements for child care, pet care, and when one's sweetheart travels as much as Mama's does, she would never see him if she tried to go somewhere when he came back so he could sort of take care of kids and responsibilities at home and still work an 8 hour job.

So Mama travels on the Internet.  People have posted some great pictures of the world.  It's a pretty cool place!  Mama's a "road less traveled" kind of gal, so she especially likes to see places that don't have a lot of people. All that being said, I encourage my friends and family to go, do, see the sites.  Just don't tell me, "Wish you were here." 

Well, Mama's gotta go make music.  She's doing a concert tonight so that will be good times for her.
Take care and have fun!

Mama