What's a Mama to Do?

Hi Folks!

Mama is currently feeling the effects of businesses in her community "going green".  While Mama contributes her recycling, has always used cold water in the washer, no heat dry in the dishwasher and minimum heating and lighting throughout the house (which frankly discourages the reading of a good book and NO fire in the fireplace for warmth because A. There is a city restriction and B. Mama's allergies won't allow for it), this wave of anti-plastic bags is pissin' Mama off. Mama RECYCLES her plastic bags, dammit!  She puts the grandkids' soiled diapers in them, sends lunches with her hubby and son in them, and frankly, scoops the poop from Bear dog on their twice daily sojourns around the neighborhood.

But, now, the eco-goddesses are telling Mama that plastic bags are no longer trendy.  In fact, in some communities like San Francisco and Seattle, plastic bags ARE AGAINST THE LAW!  Yeah, you heard Mama straight...against the law.  Mama's awaiting the day when local newspapers will print photos of the guilty (notice she didn't say, "accused") with their names and addresses so that people can snub them publically and tell their children to stay away from the "earth-robber", "destroyer of all that is good", and "lover of all things evil and plastic"...

So, Mama decided to buy the lemon-scented plastic dog poopie bags.  Yeah, lemon-scented.  You wouldn't want them to smell like dog s - - -, would ya?  Mama proudly brought her box of 80 lemon-scented black disposable plastic bags home for her daily "walkies" with Bear.

Of course, Bear can never go on a walk without taking time to "smell the roses" as well as defacate on them, or at least on the ground nearby.  In the past, Mama would simply leave nature's little pile as the roses seemed to flourish, and isn't that what all home gardeners want?

Mama's neighbor spoiled it all, however, when she told Mama that it isn't good karma.  Good karma?  What, like Mama will have to worry that the dogs and cats of the world will forever poop on her burial plot?  Who cares?  Mama'll be "history" plus she will take her rightful place up in Heaven with the Big Guy.  Even God needs a break once in awhile.  Mama figures she can run things for a few eons if He wants to travel HIS universe.

But Mama, feeling guilty, took those lemon-scented black disposable plastic bags on the walk and what do you think happened?  Yep, Bear took a mighty dump.  Well, it took Mama 5 minutes to open the damn bag because they must seal those suckers with titanium.  OK, so she finally got the thing to open...it was no bigger than a 5"X5" bag.  Heck, we're talkin' a 105 pound flat-coat retriever, not a chihuahua.

So, Mama ending up using two bags, people.  Two freakin' bags. She couldn't even hold the tied handles there was so much volume, if you get my drift.  Mama dutifully walked Bear the rest of the way balancing the bag in the palm of her right hand as it molded to the shape of her fingers.

Yeah, Mama doesn't want to hear how grossed out her readers, are.  Suck it up, princess!  Try being Mama!  Yeah, all that stinky grossness because the frickin' tree-huggers are condemning Mama's precious plastic bags that she so gratefully accepted and used. 

But, Mama has the last laugh, because in the medical and funeral industries, the use of plastic bags is common, and, whether our eco-friends like it or not, we all end up in those bags; one way or another, whole, or in parts.  How's that for karma?

Mama

Comments

[Kate]

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

Kate

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